


Losing Control

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-15
Updated: 2002-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:56:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edited for my one and only fan. different ending- hopefully a bit better if not bitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Control

## Losing Control

by daughter of eve

[]()

* * *

Companion piece to Downward Slope. Revised ending for my fan. 

He didn't want to get drunk. Getting drunk meant losing control and losing control is not want a Luthor did. So he resigned himself to a single glass of scotch. Feeling the liquid burn his throat as he took slow sips, Lex Luthor tried to figure out what had happened in his home just a few moments ago. It began like any other visit, light banter, Clark looking so out of his element in the enormous room that was Lex's office. Then Lex asked about Chloe. Clark looked at him for a moment and with a downward glance replied that no things didn't work out with Chloe and no, Lana was no longer in the picture. Lex wondered on this not noticing Clark had moved closer to him. Clark kissed him, shyly uncertain but wanting and Lex pushed him away. The look of hurt and embarrassment on Clark's face told Lex this was not the reaction the young man wanted. Lex couldn't get a word out before Clark hastily apologized and disappeared out the door. Lex followed but found the hall deserted. Clark was gone. Lex's glass of scotch was empty and as he wondered on how to make Clark forget his feelings, for in that simple kiss he knew there was feeling Lex could never give back, Lex found himself pouring another glass. 

What had he done? Lex was his friend his best friend and now because of one moment of weakness, loss of control Lex probably hated him. Clark Kent had kissed Lex Luthor. It had felt perfect, natural, and wonderful until Lex had pushed him away. If only those few second had lasted longer. It just always seemed so right. The way Lex talked to him, listened to him, helped understood, god even the way he smelled. But he guessed he wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, Lex never wanted to be anything more then friends. He had imagined it all and built feelings around the looks the touches that were nothing more then Lex's attempt to be a friend. Clark loved him, not like a brother but so much more and he had been pushed away. None of his strength prepared him for that feeling. He had felt Lex's lips pressed against his and his mind shouted perfect but no, wrong stupid farm boy someone like Lex could never be attracted to a moron like you. And dear god what made you think Lex even liked guys. And he sat alone in his barn face in his hands having ruined his friendship with Lex. Damn it. Maybe things didn't have to change, maybe he could go over there laugh it off and just be friends again. Sure and every time you look at him you'll want him and he'll know you do. With is power he could simply take what he wanted, NO that line of thinking was not Clark, he had to stay in control. Lex didn't want him that way, Clark has saved his life a half a dozen times, Clark was his friend who got him out of trouble, finding him tied up, touching his hot skin. Jesus Christ Clark, control. He just never thought he would get pushed away. It was never like that when he thought about the moment late at night. Clark finally just closed his eyes, trying to block out every thought and sound echoing in his head. 

Lex was on his fifth glass when it dawned on him that things would never be the same between Clark and him. Clark wanted something Lex couldn't give. Clark and Chloe's friendship could survive a dip into the dating pool but Lex and Clark wouldn't, Lex always ruined whoever he touched and he be damned if he would ruin Clark. Lex had no interest in Clark as a sexual object; he meant what he said about him being the brother he never had, though he doubted Julian would have ever been so innocent. Things would be different; the closeness would never be as it was. Clark would feel uncomfortable around him and Lex well Lex had no words to make him feel better. 

The weekend passed and thing were as he thought. No Lex. No phone call, no dropping by, no running into him any where in Smallville. Clark was beside himself. Why the hell couldn't he at least have asked first at least then Lex would have said no it would have been awkward but it would be this thing just hanging there? Lex was staying away and Clark was to embarrassed to go to the castle. He had no words. It just wasn't fair. He thought he had found someone, that perfect someone that people tell you only happens in movies. So what if that someone was rich, powerful and oh yeah male. But the perfection he built up in his mind had been shattered, just like it had with Lana. Clark was always going to be alone. Some people were meant to be alone. A friend had told him that once. A friend he loved. 

Lex moved out of Smallville. Clark never said goodbye. Lex never tried to, it wasn't something Lex could do. By not saying goodbye to Clark he could still pretend he had a friend. But as he told his friend once, a friend foolish enough to fall in love with a Luthor, some people were meant to be alone. 


End file.
